You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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