he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
