6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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