what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
