I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
