that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
