Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
