I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
