Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
