I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
