my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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