I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
