please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
