I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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