i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
