Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
