You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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