She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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