i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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