Where is the hickey?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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