just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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