just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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