I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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