i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
