just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize