I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
