I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
