Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
sex in a hospital.. check
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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