I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I would fuck him just for his dog
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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