Have you finally orgasmed yet?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
