She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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