i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
