We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
