I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
