i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
