I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
