I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize