bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
