I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
time to smoke my breakfast
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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