I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
