Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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