Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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