I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
