im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
