Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
