we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
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