We won't sleep together?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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