can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
