In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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