Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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