did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
