You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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