I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
