So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
