So drunk its hurt
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
