I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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