Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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