Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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