The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
