Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just puked most of my soul out..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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