you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
