I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
