I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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