Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
