did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
