Got a toothbrush?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
3pm strippers are depressing
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
