he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
